torsdag den 9. juni 2011

Hjælp til selvhjælp.

Jeg var til frisør forleden, hvilket er meget tæt på at være mit yndlingstidsfordriv. Både fordi jeg har verdens bedste frisør, men også fordi alt i livet generelt bare bliver federe med alufælge nyrenoveret hår. Og så æææælsker jeg, at der er mulighed for lige at fikse sit liv, 1-2-3, mens man alligevel bare sidder med stanniol i håret og ligner noget, det er flygtet fra psyk.

I et af bladene var der således en artikel om 2 kvinder, der havde truffet 'livsændrende beslutninger i sidste øjeblik'. Den ene kvinde havde opsagt sit job som noget super duper high tech direktør af en slags for at blive leder af et børnehjem i Indien, og den anden havde valgt at få et barn som 40-årig.(Jeg forstod aldrig helt, hvordan kvinde #2 passede til overskriften, for hun var blevet knaldet gravid ved et uheld – 2 gange - hvilket for mig lyder mere som lemfældig omgang med prævention end rendyrket beslutsomhed.)

Som altid efter den slags artikler, fulgte et interview med en psykolog, der forsøgte at svare på, hvorfor nogle mennesker kan træffe beslutninger, og andre ikke kan, men at – bare rolig – alle kan lære det, så som den store finale, fulgte opskriften på succes i punktform.

And. I. LOVE. It!

Det første og allervigtigste var, at man skulle gøre sig klart, hvad man ønskede. Skulle man være lidt i tvivl om, hvad dét var, kunne man finde ud af på følgende måde: ”Sæt dig et roligt sted, luk øjnene og træk vejret dybt [...] Skab kontakt til den del af dig, som ved, hvad der er sandt for dig [..].”

Nå, dén del. Hvis jeg da bare havde vist det noget før. Og havde haft et kort, så jeg kunne finde derhen. Og altid var enig med mig selv om, hvad der var sandt for mig, i stedet for at ville noget den ene dag, og det stik modsatte den næste.

Men godt nyt for alle dem, der ikke aner, hvad de vil, men som er helt in sync med indre dele, dog.

Andet punkt var: 'Lev som om'. Og her bliver jeg nødt til at citere teksten ordret, for at yde den retfærdighed.

”Lige tiltrækker lige, så de tanker du har om dig selv vil finde svar. Savner du f.eks. en kæreste, så begynd at føle dig, som om du har en. Føl at du er elsket, lækker, begæret og interessant.”

Den første sætning er så fin, så fin, som den står der, helt uunderbygget og uimodsagt.

Den næste er … aj, men jeg kan jo for fanden ikke engang ironisere over det.. den er sgu da bare for dum!! Vis mig den, der har fået en kæreste på den måde. Jo! Gør! Hvis det var så enkelt, så gik der sgu da ingen frustrerede singler rundt derude!

Herudover skulle man huske at "nyde processen" *smiley-der-skærer-tænder* og ”være taknemmelig”, hvilket selvfølgelig indebar den obligatoriske øvelse med dagligt at skrive 5 ting ned, som var taknemmelig over.

F.eks. at man havde mad nok.

Mad nok!? Ajmen, er det mig, eller har de her punkter ikke engang noget med beslutningsprocessen at gøre? Er det ikke bare Selvhjælp, Greatest Hits?

Jeg begriber ikke, at man som autoriseret psykolog har lyst til at lægge ryg til den slags.

98 kommentarer:

  1. Hø hø. Hvis man kan blive betalt for at sige sådan noget sludder, , så tror jeg, at jeg skal lave et brancheskrift.
    Kvinde #2('s ligesindede) tror jeg forresten jeg så i Netto i går. Hun købte en graviditetstest OG prævention. Hmm.

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  2. Ha ha;-)) Tak for berigende , inspirerende læsning. Jeg må snart til frisør igen. Tsk..

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  3. HAHAHAHAHAHA, elsker det. Stod der virkelig ikke ordet "rejse" nogen steder? Årh hvor er jeg ellers træt af, at alt - ægteskaber, skilsmisser, børnefødsler, karriereskift, dødsfald, vægttab, venskaber og nye forhold - omtales som rejser mig her og rejser mig der. Hold nu op med det..

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  4. HVAD? Passer det ikke?? Det ku du eddermame godt ha sagt noget før. Nu har jeg stået i haven og forestillet mig i flere dage at der faldt JellyBeans ned fra himlen.
    Har endda nydt processen bare lidt - og været meget meget visuel i min forestilling. Set mig selv med fyldte Margrethe skåle!
    Nå, men øv så!

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  5. Nogle gange skammer jeg mig så frygteligt over mit fag!!! 'nough said!!!

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  6. Seriøst, uden pis. Hun laver en totalt rip-off. Til et projekt på uni skulle vi sammenligne nogle selvhjælpsbøger. At en psykolog i ramme alvor kan ævle om det lort, der står i The Secret fatter jeg ikke. At The Secret nogensinde blev en verdensomspændende succes fatter jeg heller ikke. Men der er så meget jeg ikke fatter.
    Nej hov, det er her at jeg skal udsende til universet, hvad jeg ønsker og lade som om - for så fatter jeg!
    Tak for hjælpen... idiot.

    (og med fare for at ødelægge hele tonen i kommentaren, så vil jeg bare lige sige tusind tak for en fantastisk blog - og et usædvanligt fantastisk sprog)

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  7. du er sikker på personen var autoriseret psykolog? du læste ikke bare psykolog og så stod der i virkeligheden rablende sindssyg dum i låget kvaksalver?!

    jeg fatter ikke dameblade... er der nogen der tager dte der står i dem seriøst?

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  8. Ved ikke om jeg tør anbefale den kombi min egen frisør har, men here goes: Manden er frisør - og coach!

    Og jeg skal da lige love for, at der kan blive stillet spørgsmål man ikke selv ønsker at høre svaret på, mens farven virker.

    Love it! Selvom jeg nogle gange tigger og beder om at få lov at synke hen med et dameblad, bare for at få lidt underlødig underholdning

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  9. HAHAHAHAAH LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT. Du er gået hen og blevet mit midnight drug, så nu håber jeg dælme bare at internettet er opfundet derovre i det der Esbjerg!!! (siger den sproglige student fra Esbjerg Statsskole så) ;o) Er i øvrigt vild med at man bare lige "skal sætte sig et roligt sted og lukke øjnene". Hahahah.... tror ikke at den psykolog der er mor til hverken en Lærke eller Albert....

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  10. Har lige købt et dameblad - selvom jeg hver gang jeg læser den slags blir enig med mig selv om at jeg HADER dem... ikke bare fordi de er dumme, men mest fordi alle er enten tynde eller lykkelige i dem - nogen endda begge dele! Jeg håber nogen prøver de dér gode selvhjælpsråd af - og hvis de virker vil jeg ha dokumentation, og først DA går jeg personligt i gang med at påkalde jelly beans & kærester!!! Tak for munter læsning på den skrappe måde! Kh Lisbeth

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  11. dameblade er fuld af lort.

    there I said it!

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  12. Linda, jeg tror inderst inde ikke at du mener det du skriver! Al den vrede kommer sikkert af at du er single! Hvis du nu bare greb en pen og et papir og noterede alle de ting der gør dig glad og taknemmelig, så kunne det være at du kunne finde den sande vej for dig, som er helt belagt med roser og honning (ja det er en klistret vej, den sande) og så kommer der en flot mand som elsker dig for lige præcis den du er! *indsæt-smiley-der-brækker-sig-i-lårtykke-stråler*... ;)

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  13. hvis du virkelig vil op i det røde felt, så tjek millionøse metoden! Mage til crap skal man lede længe efter. Første gang jeg faldt over det, troede jeg seriøst, at det var nogen, der gjorde tykt grin med selvhjælps 'metoder'. But sadly I was wrong!
    -Betyt

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  14. Tror måske kvinde #2 var med, fordi hun denne gang faktisk besluttede at tage konsekvensen af de ubeskyttede knald? I stedet for at forny klippekortet til 'abort-afdelingen'.

    - Signe

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  15. Det er fandme smukt...

    Og jeg troede at en kæreste først dukkede op, når man helt havde glemt, at man gerne ville have én? (Er det ikke det, man siger?)

    Tror du vil opdage at Hr. fancy psykolog har taget et AUC aftenkursus og sidegeshæfter som 'lifecoach'...

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